All I know SO Far…
Life Lessons (continuing to be) Learned
I’m going to leave this one at the bottom of my blog page as a reminder… it’s a list of some of the MANY lessons I have learned during some of the most difficult years of my life. And, as I continue to live and learn (and embrace) each day I hope you will do the same… and that you will always remember to have COURAGE, stay HUMBLE, and be KIND!
Life Lesson #1: You are not in control!
Once you learn to let go and accept, you will be at peace and have an indescribable inner joy that will allow you to truly embrace the process of life.“ Enjoy the process of life” was always one of my favorite quotes. I said it often, but, in looking back, I’m not sure I truly believed what I “preached”, and I surely didn’t practice it. I’m learning more and more each and every day that life truly is a process. Stay open to the opportunities of each day, as not one of us is guaranteed another one.
Life Lesson #2: There is no such thing as happily ever after.
We are continually a work in progress. I truly believe that when we finally figure this life out, that will be our time to go; to pass on from this earth. So, while we’re here remember, relationships and families come in many different shapes and sizes- embrace what God has given you. I have a friend that lives two hours away from her husband. When asked about it she says, “it works for us!” Find out what your “works for YOU” is and live YOUR truth! Then, and only then will you live ‘happily ever after”.
Life Lesson #3: Enjoy the journey, not just the destination!
Yeah cliché I know, but it’s SO true. I had the opportunity to meet a lady who did an amazing Ted talk about this very topic. She said, “We need to let go of expectations and outcomes.” We need to enjoy each moment as it comes. I was always a good student and earned very good grades, but in looking back I never really learned. I learned what I needed to get the “A” but then moved on to the next “A”. Let me warn you how dangerous this is! When you do this, you miss SO much. You don’t learn, you don’t grow, and you don’t find yourself - you don’t get the opportunity to figure out what you truly like and dislike. Take your time along the way - don’t wait until you hit rock bottom to actually investigate who you are, your passions and your purpose.
Life Lesson #4: You can’t run from YOU!
I literally moved 5 times in 5 years, yes! Like packed up sold my current home and bought a new one, 5 times in 60 months. I liked all the places I moved, some more than others, and they all had a very intentional purpose for the year I lived there. But, in the end, I found out that I truly could have stayed in one place, as I couldn’t run from myself. Now, each move came with an opportunity and many “signs” that it was the right thing to do at the time… but in actuality, the moving was my old habit of “running”, and it’s true that wherever you go, you take yourself with you.
Life Lesson #5: Find Peace.
Rest. Be still. Quiet your mind, body and soul. Whether that is through meditation, yoga, silent retreats, or just quiet time with God; find your peace place and take time for it each and every day and if you can’t do it every day at least do it every week, month or year (you deserve time with you!).
Life Lesson #6: Tell the Truth.
It truly WILL set you free. Own your mistakes and apologize to the ones you hurt. Ask for forgiveness - but first, forgive yourself. If something is truly meant to be, it will come back and with it will come a renewed sense of love and trust. And, if it doesn’t come back - it wasn’t meant to be. Own your “stuff” - embrace the mistakes, learn from them and know that “when you know better, you will do better”!
Life Lesson #7: Be present.
I was told a few years back that I was addicted to/distracted by my phone (so many of us were/are)… I never chose to admit it though. But, wow! How life has a way of working and revealing the truth… After it was brought to my attention I realized how true that statement was! In my life I have tried very hard to not let my body become addicted to anything (coffee, drugs, alcohol, relationships, work, etc.) But, I let my mind become constantly distracted by/addicted to my phone and other “worldly” things. Here’s a good tip… the MOST important gift we can give to each other is our time and our PRESENCE!
Life Lesson #8: It’s the little things that you’ll miss…
It truly is the little daily things that make life grand. It’s not the big expensive vacations (while nice)...those are not the things you’ll look back upon and miss. Those will be great experiences you’ll share with joy and happiness, but the little things (i.e. the way someone shows up for you, the morning hugs from a loved one, etc.)... those are the things that truly matter. Those are the things you’ll miss when they’re gone.
Life Lesson #9: Pack up and just go with it!
A friend told me after a conversation we had recently that a great idea unfolded in his mind… He wanted to take his wife and daughter to see the leaves change during the autumn season. He wanted to find the best location to view the season changing before their eyes. How romantic - eh?! He spent days researching and planning. Once he found the perfect spot he reserved the trip. He didn’t fully commit, as he had to double check with his wife about the details because she doesn’t fully like/embrace surprises. He goes on to tell me that his “pitch” is well received - but her response was “I need more details before I commit”. He stated that his 9 year old daughter chimed in and said “don’t ruin it mom, it’s a surprise, just go with it!” How brilliant! Sometimes we get so caught up in the details that we forget to let others do nice things for us. Embrace the kindness of others - be grateful and show compassion for the goodness and joy that they bring to our lives!
Life Lesson #10: Focus on your relationship with yourself and your higher power - all other relationships are too unpredictable.
Once you have a stable, committed and loving relationship with your higher power, everything else will fall into place. If you don’t and you put someone or something else up on a pedestal, in time they/it will let you down; they/it will disappoint you. Don’t fault or sham them/it. Know that great powers are at work in the universe. Trust that what should be restored will be. And, allow for forgiveness where it is needed so that your greatest good can be accomplished and your soul can thrive!
Life lesson #11:Let go and watch them grow…
To quote a beautiful young lady I have watched grow into a woman: “Sometimes the hardest part about showing someone you love them is by letting them go and seeing how they grow.” We all have to find our path and sometimes the only way to do that is by letting them go.
Life Lesson #12: No one can tell you you’re beautiful, until YOU do!
YOU have to believe you are beautiful at your core, within your heart. Then and only then will you truly be able to accept love from another. I’ve been told, as far back as I can remember, how beautiful I was/am. But… I never truly believed it. I was caught up in the negative - my thighs were too thick, I was too short, my nose was too pointy, etc., etc. - Instead of embracing the beautiful parts of me (including my kind heart and genuine soul) I focused on the negatives. It’s still a bit of a struggle for me… but like you’re taught when you meditate: recognize the thought for what it is… “just a thought” (not the truth)... then LET IT GO! There are so many great things about each and every one of us. We all need to focus on those things. When we embrace and care for ourselves we will truly be able to embrace and care for others.
Life lesson #13: Only YOU will know if it’s worth the fight.
It’s true, one of the most important things (if not THE most important thing) is spending time getting to know yourself and tapping into your life’s purpose. If you don’t take time to “grow up”, it will haunt you in the future. If you have someone who will stand by you while you figure you out - through both the highs and lows, the challenges and heartaches, even when you cause them pain—cherish that person. If you decide to leave and that person moves on, let them go. However, if you find that it's worth fighting for when you look back, then fight for it. If something or someone holds a special place in your heart, trust that it's significant. The things that truly matter are often in line with a greater plan, and what’s meant for you is usually far better than what you could imagine on your own.
Life lesson #14: The best thing to say when you don’t know what to say....is nothing!
You can’t take words back, and no amount of logic can undo the hurt they cause... Instead, pledge to give hope, sit in silence, and be still.
Life lesson #15: Don’t always look away.
Human nature makes us want to look away from something that is causing stress/anxiety and pain…but, don’t always look away! Know when you’re running, and when you’re in protective/defensive mode. Know when to retreat and know when to stand your ground. Fight for righteousness for goodness. If you run from things in life more often than not they will come back around...the saying is true, what you don’t deal with does come back to haunt you. So don’t run, work through it. You’ll be glad that you did.
I never thought I was a person that had to “learn the hard way”, but I guess with some situations we all (especially if you’re stubborn like me) have to learn the hard way… Here’s what I have learned: If you are challenged with a situation more than once, maybe you didn't learn the lesson the first time around, and therefore you get the “lesson” again in order to change the way you handled it. Once you learn it the “correct” way you will get promoted…to deal with a different problem. If you don’t deal with it the “correct” way, you’ll get that same challenge all over again, and most times it will come far worse than the original situation/lesson. Learn your lessons in life the first time, so that they don’t have to hit so hard the second, or third…or forth time around.
Life lesson #16: Humans don’t tend to support other humans publicly during challenging times.
I was at a seminar and this statement struck me. Wow, is it true. Think about it, how many times do you give others the benefit of the doubt. Do you actually go to the source to find out the truth, or do you get caught up in the drama and the gossip? Try to flip it, and actually give people the chance to tell their own story, hear things first hand, not through the eyes (or ears) of another.
Life Lesson #17: Show up!
I said it before and based on my personal experiences, I truly believe that families come in all shapes and sizes. They can be blood, or not, live in the same home, or not, share common values, or not… but above all family members are the ones who show up! They’re the ones who stand by you and protect you in your darkest moments. It’s like Lilo says in the classic Lilo and Stitch movie, “Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind.” Keep in mind, sometimes family members may not be able to show up because they are dealing with internal battles themselves. But, ultimately you’ll see who your true family is. They are the ones who love you through it all, the ones who show up, who wait, and who come back. Families have a unique bond and, despite the challenges, they find their way back to each other. Keep faith, hope, and love alive in your heart. And never doubt that sometimes the best thing we can do for a family member we love is to retreat and wait, pray for them, let the world and others take care of them, but NEVER give up on them.
One important lesson I’ve learned is that you can’t force someone to love you…and you shouldn’t have to; AND you can’t force yourself to love someone… nor should you. When you cultivate unconditional love for yourself and others, that love will find its way to you - somehow, someway...so, just go with it, embrace life as it comes, love yourself, and love others the absolute best way you know how!
And…when you do identify those you LOVE - don’t leave them behind—show up folks!
Life Lesson #18: Quality over Quantity…
I moved away from everyone I had ever known and loved when I was 23 years old. I have spent many years apart from the people I love the most… and yes, while it has been excruciating painful at times, it has been a time to learn and grow and to be GRATEFUL for the life I was building on my own. You see, when I do get to see my loved ones these days, I have intentional quality time with them, and I wouldn’t change that for the world! I’ll leave you with this, don’t take for granted the people in your life. If you see them often, be grateful… and if you don’t be EVEN more grateful during your quality time together!
